I'm Not Wonder Woman
I don't know if your year was anything like mine. However, 2019 was wrought with trials for our family. And if I am honest, I can say that there were many times when I felt defeated and not enough. Let me be the first to admit that there are times in our life when we simply are not enough. I know, I know, not exactly the uplifting and encouraging message that you were expecting, but hear me out. If I were enough, then why would I ever make room for God? An even more critical question that must be asked is, "What if God never actually intended us to carry the burden of 'being enough'"? Are you feeling me yet? No? That's okay, let's dive deeper.
As moms, wives, daughters, WOMEN, we tend to carry the weight of not only our world but the world around us on our shoulders. Even us, "good, faithful, Christian, God-fearing," women tend to take on the role of a problem-solving, peacemaking, I can do it all people-pleaser. When we know full well that God is sitting and waiting for us to hand all of that stress, worry, and responsibility over to Him. Yet, we still hold on. While we are holding on to everything we are not responsible for, we forget about one of the vital things we are responsible for, our rest.
Okay, tell me I am not alone in this battle? Why is it easier to sacrifice ourselves on the altar of "Miss Fix-it All" until we completely come unraveled than to just trust that God is in control? Is it possible that pride has welled up in our hearts? Do we find our importance in the applause our sacrifice brings? Do we just love to hear, "I don't know how you do it all?" Is it possible that the need to be in control has overtaken us? We think, "if we don't do it, it won't be done right." Or is it simply a feeling of guilt and condemnation that we place on ourselves when we consider all that needs to be done? That in some way we are letting down our family, our friends, our co-workers, ourselves, our heavenly Father, if we don't "do" it all?
Whatever the reason, I have come to realize that this toxic thought pattern takes God off his throne. The world was never our responsibility to fix. Come to find out this world became broken way back at its creation, when Eve decided "knowing more" was more important than obeying God. Ah, and there it is, at the very start, a women's need to take on something that was never her responsibility to begin with. Sweet Eve, she wasn't any different than you or me. She was tricked into believing that she could be more and do more by the enemy of our hearts; and that somehow she would still have a life of peace and rest. The enemy made her believe that God didn't have her best in mind, that God was keeping her from being all that she could be. It was all a lie, and it is the same stinking lie we believe today!
I've bought into this lie at different times in my life. I've believed that if I wasn't doing it all then I was somehow letting everyone down. And as hard as it is for me to admit, I've also believed that if I didn't do it, it wouldn't be done right. OUCH! All of this has led to one tired Momma! Can you feel me? Have you been there? Are you there right now? Shake off the guilt sister!! "Let it go" as Elsa would say! You are not Wonder Woman, and you were never supposed to be!
My husband's battle with cancer held many lessons for our family in 2019. It is funny how when your back is pressed up against a wall and you are faced with a situation that you cannot possibly take control of, that you begin to realize how very little you need to do. Can I get an AMEN? When God allows you to come to the very brink of loss, He shows you just how little you are in control of. He shows you what is important and what is not important in this life. He shows you that all your striving is the equivalent of a hamster running on a wheel, and its only reward is exhaustion.
What are you holding onto that you think only you can take care of? What are you holding onto because you think only you can fix it? I have come to learn that the list of responsibilities that our God wants us to carry is very small. Matthew 11:38-30 says,
"Then Jesus said, 'Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.'"
It seems funny even typing that passage in light of the last year! We have sat at the threshold of heaviness for months on end now. Certainly, this has led us to the understanding that we are in control of very little! That we could spin 20,000 plates in the air at one time and still it would not impact a virus that has crippled our would, or a cold spell that has shut down our great state of Texas. No, sweet one, we cannot fix everything, and we were never asked to! Maybe it is time to bow before the one who can, to seek his face and let him carry every burden that we bear. Because there are no circumstances in this life that can change an unchanging God, that can remove him from his throne of grace!
No, sisters, he is still in control and the sooner we recognize this truth, the sooner our hearts will find rest. Life may not look the way we planned it to look right now. The loss we have felt or are feeling even still, may be too much for our hearts to bear, and that is because all alone it is too much, dear one. It is far to heavy to hold on your own. Give it over to the only one who can carry it all, and rest in knowing he will give you rest.
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